What do you do when you face a diagnosis?
My first inclination was to freak out and question why God? There was a lot of tears and yelling. I didn’t know what to think. Was it the choices I made in my past that led to me receiving my diagnosis? I started questioning if I would have done this better, or not put myself into this situation would I be healthy.
When none of this was making sense to me, our Pastor at the time asked if anyone needed prayers for healing to stay at the altar after taking communion and she would pray over us. I stayed up there and cried like a baby. I received the prayer in agreement for my healing and felt a voice say to me, ‘Just walk with me’. A baby believer at the time I had no idea what that meant, but it felt like there was a warm hug that went along with it. I knew this was my Jesus telling me that even though I had diagnosis on my chart, He was going to be with me through this all.
There are a few versus that I lean on when I start to resent my diagnosis. These are the things that I remind myself when I question, “why am I the one, who has to give myself shots in order to stay healthy?”
2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us God is that much stronger in us when we are weak.
“Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (NLT)“My power works best in weakness.” This is all the more reason to lean into Christ when we are feeling weak. I believe that God entrusted me with this diagnosis so that His power could be portrayed through me. Think of a flashlight. The darker it is in a room the better the flashlight will work. If you have a dull flashlight where the batteries are almost dead, it won't shine very bright in a room unless there is complete darkness. However, turn the lights off and the light will shine bright.
When people find out that I have this diagnosis. They are often times amazed, because I ‘look’ healthy. This could be the fortunate side of MS, that a lot of the symptoms are internal. I am not one to dwell on the negativity. When I don’t feel well, I know that God has got me so this is just a temporary set back in His plan.
“So that the power of Christ can work through me.” When someone asks me how I stay so positive about my diagnosis, I get excited. Our stories are such a big part of who we are and the ultimate way for us to point people towards Jesus. When we share our story with someone else, they cannot take it from us because it is ours. I share with people I am able to stay happy because I know one day God will cure me. I know there will be a day, when I can throw my needle clipper away. I'll be able to stay in the sun for hours, without fear of my sight being compromised. This is the power of Christ working through me.
When I question what the good is in my diagnosis, Romans 8:28 reminds me that, there is good in every situation, we face in life.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (NLT)When I read this verse it reminds me that there is an ultimate goal in every trial that I face because I am a child of God. There are some things that happen to us because of our own doing. I have been told “We are not punished for our sins but we are punished, by our sins”. Our choices have consequences and we ultimately have to deal with the repercussions of our actions. Then there are times when sucky things happen in our lives, but we have to see the big picture. We have to remember that God has already been to the end of our story. He knows how this is all going to end. We have a good Father in heaven that wants to see us succeed in every possible way. I stand firm on this promise that God is going to be with me on my journey.
“Thy will be done.” Luke 22:42 has been my life verse, for the past few years.
“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done”. (NIV)There is a saying that we make plans and God laughs. We can plan and prepare all we want, but God has the ultimate say on how our life is going to play out. I know I have someone who is looking out for me in Heaven. He is going to take care of me. There is a reason why He wants me to have this diagnosis. There is someone I can tell my story to or help along their journey. Where this will all be worth it, in the end to Him. Matthew 18:12 tells us, “God leaves the 99 in order to save, His one lost sheep.” Each one of us is that, important to Him. That he is RELENTLESS on chasing after us.
Often times you have to dig into scripture to find truths that will help with your specific symptoms. We can feel defeated when we feel like there is no one out there that can relate to us. There is a common symptom among us with this diagnosis called the MS hug. I love hugs, but this is not that type of hug. It is a feeling where you have the tightest rubber band around your chest, making it difficult to breathe. When I feel this I inhale deeply and exhale, knowing it is the breath of life that I am taking in.
Job 33:4, “For the Spirit of God had made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”In Genesis 2:7 we learn that when God first formed man “He breathed the breath of life into man.” When I feel like this diagnosis is squeezing the breath out of me I shut it down by taking in a deep inhale. I hold it in, thanking God for this breath of life and exhale knowing that He will supply me with another breath.
I believe that this is why the Bible is a library of books. It is there so we can find verses that we can cling to at the exact time that we need them. Dig into your bible! Ask questions to those that are further along in faith than you. Find those truths that you can hold onto, that will get you through hard days. Post them in your house as constant reminders of how good our God is. Joshua 1:8 tells us to, “Meditate on the word day and night so that, it will not depart from our lips.” Stay encouraged and know that our God is there for you as you receive your diagnosis or unexpected bad news. May the peace of God be with you as you journey through this difficult time.
