Reflection

I had my phone on me all day on Friday waiting for the on-call neurologist to get back to me on the results from my MRI scan that I had last week.  Of course the second I am away from it he called!  He left me a message saying that there is minimal change from the last scan that I had done in 2009.  He said there is one spot, but he is sure that is due to technique (not sure what that means), but he finished with the best news that I have no active lesions.  My initial thought was. . .

YEAH!!!

Then I began to think about things.. . .

• This means the medicine is working, I should be happy about that, right? 
 
• This means that I will have to keep poking myself EVERYDAY for the rest of my life.  This I am not happy about.  
 
• I should be happy that there is treatment out there and this disease that I have is manageable, right?
 
• Should I do something about my hands going numb, since it isn't related to my MS, or just deal with it?
 
• Why am I not jumping up and down that I am healthy?
 
• Why is my memory failing me so much?  Is that in my head like the thought of falling down the stairs is?
 

This last week the Deisch's lost a very dear friend who was only 52 years old to a massive heart attack.  It made me realize that life is so short and I need to do everything that is possible to keep myself healthy so I can be here for a long time.  I will continue on this treatment and try to look at my injections as a blessing that I have this medicine so that I can stay healthy.

My neurologist does want to do another test on my brain to see what exactly is going on with my memory.  I was going to cancel it if something showed up in my MRI because then I would know what is causing it.  I am going to go ahead with this next test so we can figure out what is going on and hopefully try and reverse it.

In reflecting over the results since last Friday I have come to the conclusion that I am happy about the results and I am grateful that there is treatment available for me and it is working!