Praying

I have a 45 minute drive back and forth to work every day, on a good day with no traffic.  Some days it is even longer.  I take advantage of this time to think, reflect, pray, meditate and be with God.  In the morning I thank him for waking me up healthy and to another beautiful day.  I thank him for all the people in my life; my husband, my kids, family and friends.  I think about people that are struggling and pray for them and I rejoice in what He has done to make people healthy and happy. 

I had an MRI scheduled for today that my neurologist ordered to see what is going on with my memory.  I haven’t had an MRI since I was originally diagnosed in February of 2009.  They told me it was a good idea to have these MRI’s often so that they can see if the treatment that I am on is working or if my MS is getting worse.  My fear with that is the radiation that is involved when you have this test done.  I am so scared of getting cancer and I know that radiation is a big factor that causes it.  I told my neurologist that I only wanted to have that test done if it was absolutely necessary.  With my recent symptoms of memory problems and me questioning if my current treatment was working I figured now was a good time for me to have this done.

This morning was a struggle for me on what to pray for.  I said to myself out loud. . . .

“What do I pray for?”

Do I pray that no more lesions show up on my brain which means the treatment that I am on is working?  However, then what is causing my memory problems? 

Do I pray that I have more lesions and that will tell me that is why my memory is not what it once was and the treatment that I am on is not working?  Then what?  Go without medicine and try a holistic approach?  Test out a new treatment and see if that one will work?

I contemplated this on the way to my appointment and all I came up with was more questions.  I sat in the parking lot and sent a text to Reuben, my mom and Bussy.  I told them I was getting anxious for my scan and I wasn’t sure what I should be praying for. 

Bussy was the first to text back and she reminded me that I am such a strong believer in God that I should just give Him my worries.  She said that my worrying won’t change the outcome and I needed to trust in His plan for me.  This was exactly what I needed to hear.  I closed my eyes and told God that it was all in His hands.  I told Him that I was trusting in what He was doing with me and I have faith that He was always taking care of me. 

Reuben called me next and told me to pray for peace of mind and body.  This was perfect.  I closed my eyes again and prayed for Him to give me peace with whatever the outcome of this scan was going to be.  I asked Him to put my body at ease and give my mind calmness as I go through this period of testing.

Mom responded next and simple told me that she prays for me every night which was also great to hear.  I know that it is with my faith in God that I am going to make it through this and any other challenges that come my way.  God, along with my family and friends, keep me strong.

I read the bible a few years back and was challenged by my mother-in-law, Rita, to find a verse that spoke to me.  I found this passage in the book of Matthew and I now have it posted on my desk at work so I can look at it and read it often.  This is exactly what I needed to read this morning when I was struggling on what to ask God for.  I might have to keep a copy in my purse!

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you reset.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I carry is light.”  (Matthew 11:29-30)